Christina #2 - 2019/10/17: 2019

Thursday, October 17, 2019

Wednesday, October 16, 2019

I can see people as transmitting cancer to me and saying oh well other people have it so we gave it to you too.

I can't seem to justify my life, and I don't know why.

Too bad? for so many things.

Why isn't the older lady I like happy?

Why do Germans hate on other races?

Also, these exchanges are the real problem.

So, she said I could have it so I have something to get taken away?

Why is it like an older lady I like is better than me when she supposedly acts confused about me, like saying bad things pretty much but then taking it back like she meant something else unlikely?

I have to unravel the damage.

They keep giving me things to think about.

An older lady I like seems inappropriate in their messages.

Yea, those people monitoring me in private keep getting in my face. I can't seem to socialize, neither.

So, it's Orlando lying about what's said by people.

Why are the cars whining? I don't need this *beep*. They'll only do something more stupid and detestful for whatever they thought I was just being social about.

So, did something happen with an older lady I like? I don't need to get in trouble.

People think I'm bad but can't butt into my private life and act like it's unfair if I "get" love.

What do I do? I'm sad the older lady seems mad at me from messages from others it feels like "something" was cancelled, though.

What do you want from me? I don't have anything left.

It's that medicine and people shocking me.

People won't stop!

Just find some excuse.

So, it's a no, you just have to figure out why now, people?

So, in the process, I was considered not perfect in private, and the older lady took from me what made her attached to me? If she doesn't want to is fine. It seems like I'm in trouble with others, though.

I can't get this shit of how people around my age play around out of my head!!!!

I don't care if people have to deal with others, but I didn't do anything wrong to deal with.

Maybe, there's not much to say. It's hard to ignore it. I don't think I should just ignore it.

I'm sorry, but it seems to be the issue.

It seems to take away my time and the medicine etc.

They don't have to do this. This is for them and not me.

so

So, why do I have to get annoyed about things people say involving an older lady I like? People dodge that topic.

More!?

I heard that what I said didn't seem important. I have to stay frozen for a few years, like I'm the one expecting something? I don't think so, why are people acting like that or saying that?

and

The people monitoring me in private are annoying and I get in trouble upset or have to undo the damage.

and

The world doesn't seem as bad as what I get in private, now. I still know there are people out there out to get me. Someone had to hypnotize them. It all started with people acting like I was bad when racially abused using the word "nigger" online, though others attacked me and it was by accident. It was spread all over the world. Then, no one trusted me. There's the America before.

and

These people abusing me are ruining it for me with an older lady I like. I don't dwell on her like the rest of the world with people in it hypnotized to stimulate her. I don't know who is safe to blame. People set me up for it to work out in weird ways before.

and

Why do people keep babying an older lady I like? She was supposed to be an adult like everyone else in that way, and I don't get to feel young when I'm younger and had before.

Um

Is this some kind of joke I evened out? I feel bad now. Somehow, I was surprised because of something I thought and my face feels pushed forward..

and

What if other people prevent me from ever seeing older people and my dad from getting any affection?

Well

She might be better, but she called it off, but maybe not- so annoying! Not her fault unless she were out to get me.

and

she's not the same.

Well

She just keeps getting inappropriately stimulated, stimulated only for her.

Invading My Privacy

She gets sexual attention.

Stuck

An older lady wants me to consider this my death, they say, that if I wonder if she's gonna do it... she won't, like if I talk about it here. I don't get it.

Problem

I keep feeling physically messed up, like my jaw shooting forward under pressure or surprises that mess up my look I'm developing. That's another big problem since I moved here.

Realization of the Inevitable

It seems like I've been tricked into thinking an older lady I like is fabricating messages for me that "say" what I feel sad about to what degree, but it looks like really being mean and invading me ... might be from some people involved maybe like involved monitoring me in private "what it is."

Forget it!!!!

Forget those English people who told the US not to bring up things at the same time or adjacent to each other, like it means you mean to combine them as an insult!

What I Decided to Do, in the End

So, I said what I said to project and understand what's going on with my feelings about my lifestyle including an older lady I like from a distance once in awhile.

I have lots of things to complain about for real, which isn't that.

Why?

Why is everyone being treated so well except for me? I get in trouble to be sad about losing my connection with an older lady I like, while I mostly suffer things people say they want her to do to me that hurt...

Look, I forget why I said that, but it's gay to only let me talk to my dad. I'm not always with anyone, like some people fantasize. Also, my being monitored in private is reported to him so he knows anything he wants in private! What is your thing, really, anything that makes sense?

Nope.

I'm not standing for this.

Okay, this is for real.

Baby Boomers and those before were socially more open to us awhile ago, but now it's like it's turned off because I "came in the room." So, people said if I supposedly had something nice that I should suffer more because most people don't have it, like we're all yearning for the same one thing and already are into it, but no organization was involved or maybe there's not enough and so everyone is trained to fight and act stupid.

Over It

So, that's over, I'm worried about the medicine.

First things first.

What if the medicine is a punishment, a sneaky illegal one, and it's so I don't meet anyone.

Changes

It's so weird I thought I met an older lady who said I could know her and now after her being very nice it's like it's too bad and "that kind of thing," her punishing me by exploiting herself. I'm so lonely. People many I see are mean or shun me because they're onto making me look mixed race here.

Bored

I am so tired of not getting much attention. Maybe, I'm depressed the meds make me sleep so much I can't hold a job and don't have a car but take the bus. Also, I don't have as many feelings because of the meds! I don't need them! I'm wondering if it's also the diabetes medicine, but that wasn't 1st. I had to change medicine, too, and sometimes just because I felt like I was being mistreated and if I told my parents they threatened to kick me out of the house or car then and there.

"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!"

So, she seems to have a nicer life if she's happy with her personality and who she is. Like, all this attention works out in her lifestyle.

People make fun of me for it not working out in my present condition. My dad disapproves of me forever. I feel locked up like those 3 girls in Ohio, in some ways maybe. I'm forced to take medicine because I can't support myself, I am still at home and getting tired and feeling different from the psychotic meds gets in the way of me ever getting out and being happy with my life and career options.

It seems the older lady I like won because of race as the causes. I used to have more opened up for me before this. She changed suddenly it seemed, kinda like being better? and, in a way, relayed immediately she no longer was after me but that she was just different, not like, "Oh I'm a normal person and I was talking to Christina for awhile and I really think she's nice and gets along well" ... but it's that she's serious and it's like I'm no longer of any much amazement in any way and more unwanted and later on for other reasons but related that I'm no longer in that relationship. It's that she believes I'm in trouble like many other people.

What is going on?

It's kind of serious that my life is worthless. I said I was considered worthless for not being skilled at something. If it was a trick of racism, I guess I'm upset.

You know, she relays 2 things a lot, like first it wasn't her fault and it was still okay ... but then there's an excuse and it's unlikely to be possible because she doesn't want to or it's abnormal or it's just not her. Oh, so first it's that she's dealing with people in the way, but the other supposed thing is that I'm just in trouble and it was just a trap.

People are bothering me being immature about it. I just wanted to know why I was upset so I avoid breaking out from it. I don't know why I posted it. People are interested that I see, so maybe they can some read it here, instead..

"No One, No One!"

I like what I do, but if she's just communicating and never meeting in real time, it seems I've totaled to a different end of what I would have liked, anyway.

People keep avoiding me but promising me the future, it seems. It shouldn't be that way.

I like the communication I get or whenever it's over.. but what can I make of life, like an animal even?? A lot of times I feel bad...

Huh.

I was wondering an older lady I like acted like I'd be with her a lot and have a good time with lots of love and little miracles.

She might not.

What should I sacrifice for, like career-wise?? That's troubling. I don't mean to talk to her about it here necessarily but other people so I'm not alone.

Whooo

Who will be allowed to be impressive, or should I ask "what?"

Antsy

Other people are mean, but I'm not really.

Me

I am smart and clean.

I know.

My old friends would like to meet some people I'm related to.

Death

Humans are not greater than God, if not equal. God is everything good.

Waiting

If other people don't do music, why can't I?

Inappropriateness

I keep feeling prodded to feel pressured about things that come out strangely.

Accuations

I'm accused of being myself or copying other people or doing what they like. I wanted people to like me better.

Being Attackd

Why would an older person I trust be seen as attacking me?

"In Some Sense of the Word"

Doesn't everyone feel like a baby in some way?

When will I ever get to meet you!

It's important for some people to see off people live.

"In Trouble"

Is an older lady I like the only one in trouble?

Question

Why is no one supposed to talk to me much? There's a lot of silence out here.

"I smell sex and ... candy"

Looking for sex outside of classical music?

I look to classical music as sex itself!

Question

Is it all about the attractive kinds of German, lucky generations?

"Me Me Me!"

Well, people just come at me like something's wrong, doesn't mean anything to me.

Problem

No one likes me because I can't have fun and I was refused sex for my race!

A Partial Match

I know an older lady I like is magic, but you aren't too.

If I am not pathetic, I'm not her backbone.

Rotten Tomatos

It's not entertaining if I am liked.

"Naughty or Nice?"

I used to be on the good side of an older lady I like, and now I'm like everyone else supposedly."

Well.

Notice how nothing happens?

Why?

Most of you aren't that great. 😕

Why?

It's not too late for me. I've worked hard.

Young Germans Getting Along With Others

Why is it customary for young Germans to win over Asians and ignore me maybe ferever?

Wha-?

People act like they have something on me at culminations.

In a Rut

People think I am shit because I don't play violin. What?

Some people are blessed with sexual parents. I don't want to give up mine.

This Leads up To...

I'm such a nice person, and people agreed when we were kids and teenagers. What happened to them acting so unforgiving etc. No one probably likes me but thinks I shouldn't have it good. So, how was I not nice when people said I was?

Problem

Other people conveniently get accepted because they're white and not mixed trying to be white.

Problem

People keep getting mad at me for doing things by accident.

Question

If 2 people fight, do you break it up and put each in their place? or just one person?

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Twitter

I think she is trying to channel me. Everyone knows, someone else is involved. It's to remove my connection with some people.

jennifer aniston created an instagram account. pic.twitter.com/mNVFfssbfF
— friends scenes (@scenesofriends) October 15, 2019

Problem

People are taking away my good reputation with people in high places like me.

Problem

People keep butting in like an older lady I like really thinks all these things, and some of the things she doesn't and are problems. They aren't after anyone else like her, just because I am in a relationship with her. I'm always to feel upset and people think I'm out to get her. Some people are upset because all that comes in is that she said it, plain as anyone else.

Problem

It seems like I'm in trouble most of the time, for no reason.

What's making you linger about an older lady I like and people I'm related to or used to be friends with, who seem to have left me? The people I'm related to are flocking around me since I met an older lady I like, along with my relationships with them dropping.

Problems

Some people out there seem set to think, "Why not stimulate an older lady Christina likes in public like she's different from everyone in a singular way, which though is that it's to ruin what the older lady relayed was okay before in a relationship with Christina?" It was supposed to be okay. Orlando is different. They are always out cruising on a siesta wanting more to ruin in my relationship for other people to have to go with it.

photo 1970